When You Can't feel the Music Anymore

Just another man who works hard in his boots

I go to church and I know Jesus more than most

I've felt heartache, hunger and a lot of pain

I carry my gun, sleep in the sand and cry when my buddies fall

So that my family can sleep sound tonight

Chorus

What do you do when the music has no melody

What do you do when the songs have lost their soul

You listen to them and sometimes sing along

But these songs I know so well mean so little to me

I used to sing and smile and cry to their heartfelt melody

So what do you do when you don't feel the music anymore?

I go back home to mountains I've missed so long

To hugs and kisses from loved ones I ain't seen it's been too long

I smile and tell them that I'm alright

I tell of my good times and cool things I've seen

 I listen to stories of the things that haven't changed

They don't know the things I've done or terror that I have seen

I keep it locked away with feelings that used to be

Chorus

What do you do when the music has no melody

What do you do when the songs have lost their soul

You listen to them and sometimes sing along

But these songs I know so well mean so little to me

I used to sing and smile and cry to their heartfelt melody

So what do you do when you don't feel the music anymore?

I'm far away now with my family dressed in green

A bond unbroken and love unseen

A song comes on the radio it makes me think of home

And I feel nothing It's the dead part of me

I run and fight regardless of the pain

I read letters, my girl is gone, my uncle died, my mamma's sick

But I am far away and I can't do anything

I tuck my letter far away along with the pain

I have a job to do and I don’t feel anymore

Chorus

What do you do when the music has no melody

What do you do when the songs have lost their soul

You listen to them and sometimes sing along

But these songs I know so well mean so little to me

I used to sing and smile and cry to their heartfelt melody

So what do you do when you don't feel the music anymore?

My sacrifice is more than a bullet and a gun

It is the feeling I once felt before I'd gone

I know my heart still beats deep withhin my chest

But no matter how much I try I don't feel anymore

I just push on, do my job and keep you safe regardless of what goes on

So what do I do when I don't feel the music anymore?

Google

I hope it is me, I pray for better than me

Dear     ,

I am so conflicted right now.

I know that I love you and that you have a special place in my heart and life

I don't know exactly what that is but I have a feeling

Part of me really wants you to choose me

Part of me wants to the the one for you

Wants to be the one to hold you, love you, care for you, serve you

Wants to be the one who was meant for you

I want the very best for you and that is where the conflict begins

I don't know if I am the best for you

Part of me wants you to be with a man who is better than I am

One who has waited for you, prayed for you and lived for you before he knew you

I want you to have one who has not lived as I have

One who has not messed up the way I have

One who would serve you and love Jesus with you and raise a family on the foundation of Christ

I would love you and pray with you and grow in Christ with you

I would make you my one and only

I am changing, not just for you but because Christ has called me to change

To be different than I have been, to be the man I am supposed to be

I am not that man you deserve but I might be but there may be better than me

My honor is to serve you in whatever capacity I am to serve you

I want your man to be me but I want the best for you for yo to have the best you can

you have been hurt, cheated and lied to. You have been wronged 

I dream of taking care of you bringing flowers to you dancing with you 

Falling asleep by a fire with you, going to church with you, 

kneeling down to pray with you. I dream of eating dinners with you and cooking them

doing dishes with you, watching movies with you going on trips with you.

I think of going to church with you and spending holidays with you and reading scripture with you

What if I am not the one?

I would be my best for you. what if the best for you is someone else. 

Whoever he is I pray that he makes you happy, makes you laugh, 

strengthens your love of Christ, gives himself for you as Christ gave Himself for the church

I pray he pursues you like Christ pursues his church.

I pray he loves Jesus more than you but that he shares his love for Christ with you

I pray he pursues you every day and asks himself every day how he can best serve you

I pray you find the best man for you, the man God has chosen for you.

I hope it is me but I pray for better than me. If it is me I pray that I am the best man

That I love you like Christ loves the church, that I love you like the man I pray finds you 

Coming home, far from home

After years of wearing green, blue and brown

after many months spent in the mountains and desert

a lot of time away from home

a long time spent away from US soil

I have come home

It may not be for the last time

If my country calls I will answer

It is my act of service

I will go and protect you from the world

I will leave home

I am home now whether for now or forever

I have come back to your arms

The people I love friends and family 

back to my blood from blood

I have come home

We all dream of our shores

The grass in the yard, church pews

fast food bar stools fast cars and lifted trucks

we dream of this place we knew

This was my home

Now I see my world in black and white all is gray

this home has not changed but it is not the same

I am a foreigner in my own land

I am a stranger in the neighborhood of my childhood

This is not my home

I wander the streets of my country

people talk with no understanding

they mock and joke and complain of what they don't know

They call what I love and sacrificed for foolishness

This is not my home

My eyes are opened through pain and sacrifice

I see the truth that many will never know

I fought and fight for freedom that they want to give away

It was mine to fight for not yours to give away

I want my home

We all in uniform make an oath and form a bond

we leave our homes to ensure they are there when we return

we give of ourselves our lives our future

we leave home

to never find home again

I left home once for you and me

I dreamed of this place I knew so well

I have come back and made a life

I love my country the place of the free

I have no home

Many of us leave home

some die and never return

some live and return home

some find a new home

Some of us return and never make it home

I dream of home

I search for my home

I have come home

I can't find my home here at home

I am far from home

 

 

 

~Jonathan Gomez
Prior Service SGT
Army Infantry
OIF, OND
God Bless America
 

Cost

I have caused pain

I have brought trouble to my land

The decisions I have made have hurt those I love

My actions were my own

Bourne from desires  common and known

I have not lived rightly

Now my sins are made know

I am lucky this time

No life was destroyed

No damage that can't be undone

A temporary plague of trouble and dismay

But the effects of my choices

Shall haunt me many a day

There was one that I found honest and true

Not perfect by any standard by perfect for me

A pain in the ass and strong of will

Her heart is scarred and fearful

She fears the past may happen again

But courage she has to try again

A decision made before she was known to me

One that has followed me even to this day

This sin that had nothing to do with her

May be the end of the hope I had with her

I meant her no harm only strength hope and love

All may be lost for the perception of betrayal

I do not blame her for the choice she might make

My sin is my own and the consequence my wage

I take upon me the wage of my sin

I give it away to He whose forgiveness  I pray

My life must chance and His forgiveness  I'll take

But for that of the others, hers I will pray

If I lost my chance of ones heart who is true

I bid you farewell with my heart and my care

I hope you can forgive me and move on to better

I begrudge you not, for my failing was mine

Know that I do not give you up or quit hoping for you

But I am letting you go for if this be my wage

I take it deservingly and the price I will pay.

Harmful Ripples

The decisions we make and the way we live our lives have a huge impact on our own lives and happiness but also on the lives of those around us, those on whom we have an impact.  That can be a great number of people. While I don't think that we should necessarily allow others have a negative influence on us and we should not use others as an excuse for our own state they do. As this is true, others will have an influence on us, both positive and negative we need to evaluate ourselves and see how we affect others. We need to judge our own actions, attitudes, our words and how we choose to live our lives so that we are not a burden a negative influence or hindrance on others.

Even actions which are not meant to be harmful can still have negative consequences or influence on the world around us. Those things which are not necessarily harmful but selfish and even inappropriate always have a negative impact even if they are not harmful in and of themselves. This is a lesson I have been forced to learn.

The harm caused has a rippling effect unless it is realized and stopped first at the source and then dealt with  at each individual ripple that has been directly influenced by the stone that was cast. On cannot take back the stone thrown into a pond and if the sin is not dealt with the ripples can turn into waves that will envelope ones life and those who are in the path of its destructive power. Such a tsunami can destroy quickly if it is not dealt with before the waves rise.

If it is too late to stop the damage it is still our responsibility  to  deal with the aftermath and take responsibility for our actions and help repair the damage if we are able. Sometimes we can not repair what we have done and that is our penalty for our sin, for the wrong we have done to others. It is also a penalty a consequence that is paid by those who have been  affected by us.

We do not pay the price by ourselves. Those we love who are around us pay for our sins as well. This also is the price we pay. Knowing that we have caused pain in others that we can not take change. Take care in your decisions for we do not know who else we will hurt by our decisions, by how we live our lives.

God please forgive me and I pray that those in whom I have caused pain and harm forgive me one day. 

Silent

After two years I came home from the war

My family came to meet me at the airport

I hugged them, I kissed them, I held them close

Dinner was great I missed mamma’s cooking

But conversation was hard

I heard what they were doing and what has changed

My sister had her degree

My dad had a new job

My mom was teaching at a new school

On and on life was the same old

They asked about my two years and I was silent

Later that night I went to the bar to have a brew

See my friends and learn to dance again

They bought me my drinks

They were all there nothing had changed

They laughed and joked about the week before

And that time last summer at the lake

They asked me about my time in the sand

I stood silent

I got another beer

I was dreamin asleep in the sand

Of momma’s cooking

Dads work stories at dinner

My sister’s hugs

A beer at the bar

A dance with Lacy

All the same ol stories

The bull at the bar

But that’s the life I left

I am not that man anymore

I know you. You haven’t changed

You don’t know me you can’t understand

So I stand silent

I have fun with all my buddies dressed in green

We tell stories laugh and drink

We work we train we fight

We live together we go to war together

We know each other

We will die for one another

But I go home and

I am silent

Mom and dad, sister and brother

Girlfriend and lover best friends forever

I love you all and always will

But you don’t know me

I go to our reunions

Watch movies and play uno

I go to the bar and drink with my friends

You don’t understand me

You don’t understand

That’s why I am silent