Cost

I have caused pain

I have brought trouble to my land

The decisions I have made have hurt those I love

My actions were my own

Bourne from desires  common and known

I have not lived rightly

Now my sins are made know

I am lucky this time

No life was destroyed

No damage that can't be undone

A temporary plague of trouble and dismay

But the effects of my choices

Shall haunt me many a day

There was one that I found honest and true

Not perfect by any standard by perfect for me

A pain in the ass and strong of will

Her heart is scarred and fearful

She fears the past may happen again

But courage she has to try again

A decision made before she was known to me

One that has followed me even to this day

This sin that had nothing to do with her

May be the end of the hope I had with her

I meant her no harm only strength hope and love

All may be lost for the perception of betrayal

I do not blame her for the choice she might make

My sin is my own and the consequence my wage

I take upon me the wage of my sin

I give it away to He whose forgiveness  I pray

My life must chance and His forgiveness  I'll take

But for that of the others, hers I will pray

If I lost my chance of ones heart who is true

I bid you farewell with my heart and my care

I hope you can forgive me and move on to better

I begrudge you not, for my failing was mine

Know that I do not give you up or quit hoping for you

But I am letting you go for if this be my wage

I take it deservingly and the price I will pay.

Harmful Ripples

The decisions we make and the way we live our lives have a huge impact on our own lives and happiness but also on the lives of those around us, those on whom we have an impact.  That can be a great number of people. While I don't think that we should necessarily allow others have a negative influence on us and we should not use others as an excuse for our own state they do. As this is true, others will have an influence on us, both positive and negative we need to evaluate ourselves and see how we affect others. We need to judge our own actions, attitudes, our words and how we choose to live our lives so that we are not a burden a negative influence or hindrance on others.

Even actions which are not meant to be harmful can still have negative consequences or influence on the world around us. Those things which are not necessarily harmful but selfish and even inappropriate always have a negative impact even if they are not harmful in and of themselves. This is a lesson I have been forced to learn.

The harm caused has a rippling effect unless it is realized and stopped first at the source and then dealt with  at each individual ripple that has been directly influenced by the stone that was cast. On cannot take back the stone thrown into a pond and if the sin is not dealt with the ripples can turn into waves that will envelope ones life and those who are in the path of its destructive power. Such a tsunami can destroy quickly if it is not dealt with before the waves rise.

If it is too late to stop the damage it is still our responsibility  to  deal with the aftermath and take responsibility for our actions and help repair the damage if we are able. Sometimes we can not repair what we have done and that is our penalty for our sin, for the wrong we have done to others. It is also a penalty a consequence that is paid by those who have been  affected by us.

We do not pay the price by ourselves. Those we love who are around us pay for our sins as well. This also is the price we pay. Knowing that we have caused pain in others that we can not take change. Take care in your decisions for we do not know who else we will hurt by our decisions, by how we live our lives.

God please forgive me and I pray that those in whom I have caused pain and harm forgive me one day. 

Silent

After two years I came home from the war

My family came to meet me at the airport

I hugged them, I kissed them, I held them close

Dinner was great I missed mamma’s cooking

But conversation was hard

I heard what they were doing and what has changed

My sister had her degree

My dad had a new job

My mom was teaching at a new school

On and on life was the same old

They asked about my two years and I was silent

Later that night I went to the bar to have a brew

See my friends and learn to dance again

They bought me my drinks

They were all there nothing had changed

They laughed and joked about the week before

And that time last summer at the lake

They asked me about my time in the sand

I stood silent

I got another beer

I was dreamin asleep in the sand

Of momma’s cooking

Dads work stories at dinner

My sister’s hugs

A beer at the bar

A dance with Lacy

All the same ol stories

The bull at the bar

But that’s the life I left

I am not that man anymore

I know you. You haven’t changed

You don’t know me you can’t understand

So I stand silent

I have fun with all my buddies dressed in green

We tell stories laugh and drink

We work we train we fight

We live together we go to war together

We know each other

We will die for one another

But I go home and

I am silent

Mom and dad, sister and brother

Girlfriend and lover best friends forever

I love you all and always will

But you don’t know me

I go to our reunions

Watch movies and play uno

I go to the bar and drink with my friends

You don’t understand me

You don’t understand

That’s why I am silent