You Are the Sun

 You are the my sunrise the hope of a new day. my sunset, the calm and rest at the end of the day. The sunlight that gives warmth and brings life to my heart. The energy that make the love you plants in my heart grow. When we are apart I am forever in darkness the deepest part of night with no stars and no moon. Just hope for the sunrise when we are together again.

FB conversation on Political parties, The President, our History and Socialism

I didn't correct the grammar of the other individual's post. 

In a Facebook discussion where the democratic politicians are to blame for the problems in our state.

Him:

Ok.......I like to keep things simple, we have a free democracy in place for us as voters, the right to choose, dont get me wrong, fuck this abortion bullshit....if our democracy is taken away would it eliminate the Democrats, liberals and socialists?..NO!, right......serrio serrio we have a president that stands with our enemies, this is a slap to our men and women who are and have served to protect this country, so in other words, so what is u served, those enemies are the president's best and only friends. 
This is who we are, we are not Republicans, Democrats, liberals, socialists,ect.. we are Americans who are free, free to choose, that's why we are a Great and powerful country, I not dogging Republicans, they are all politicians, and we both know how bad it can get, it is MY opinion Trump would be making these decisions regardless of what political party he is. Oh yeah, your right, so before the 1920s the Republicans have been trying to take are Democratic rights!!! That's what you ment..... right.

Me (Johnny Gomez)

Simple is nice but unfortunately, things are rarely simple.

We are not a democracy. We are a constitutional republic. We do get to vote for our representatives, city counselors and State officials but on the national level we are not a democracy. If we eliminated our form of government, then we would start to see more corruption and more issues. There would be one party, the one that is in control.

I don’t know why you say that our president stands with our enemies. They are finding that it was the Democrats, not Trump that colluded with Russia. Trump has not given any ground to Mexico, China, Iran, the middle east or Europe. Hillary colluded with Russia and some from the middle east. Hillary has deep ties to both. Obama sided with Muslims and Muslim nations during his presidency. I don’t know where you get that he stands with our enemies. Definitely not any nation I fought against. Most of the veterans (combat soldiers not POGs) that I served with support President Trump because of his America first stance.

We are Americans and it breaks my heart to see our country so divided. This division started during the G.W. Bush administration as people got tired of the war. It was worsened in the Obama administration as we continued to remove God from our nation, as racism was encouraged, not white against minorities but everyone against everyone else especially whites and the small amount of white racism that did exist was magnified and blown way out of proportion. Conservative (meaning traditional morals, virtues, patriotism, and belief in liberty with the constitution as the law of the land, equality, hard work, and personal responsibility) views are called racist and bigoted. They are condemned as oppressive while the murder of unborn children is praised as a virtuous choice. The nation is divided and the politicians and those behind them are encouraging this behavior. I fear the consequences of this crisis.

Party doesn’t matter. What matters is life and liberty. We are in a hole that we continue to dig in and may have past the point that we can ever get out without drastic measures. This brings me sorrow. I don’t fear it but it does make me sad.

As far as history goes.

The Republican party is the party that brought the abolition of slavery, brought women’s suffrage, brought an end to Jim Crow laws, and supported civil rights.

Here is a link with some of the information on the socialist movement.

https://youtu.be/vrt6msZmU7Y

Prior to the 1920s Republicans worked toward equal rights while the Democrat party still worked to keep certain groups under heel. Now they, the Left, works toward socialism – The equal sharing of misery, Winston Churchill.

The problem today is that people want the freedom to pursue whatever pleasures their hearts desire without having to pay for them and without any consequences. They want all of the authority with no responsibility. This is where Republicans have failed. They started implementing moral laws, or try to, to combat the issue of personal responsibility. We, as a nation, started saying that it was the Government’s responsibility to keep us safe from our own personal choices. We said that the government should be our babysitter. In an effort to provide security and safety we stopped demanding and expecting people to take personal responsibility. Now we are snowballing into a destructive force of government control. “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”- Ben Franklin.

I don’t think it is a party problem. They are all a problem. This is a Godless problem, a moral problem, an education problem, a problem of virtue or lack of them, a lack of personal responsibility problem, a lack of wisdom and understanding problem, and a problem of laziness and narcissism.

It is not simple. It should be though.

I screwed up

I don't know what to do with myself. I was seeing a girl, not dating. We had dated for like 4 days but then she said she wanted to take it slow. Ok. I continued to pursue her even though I kinda knew this was gong to end badly. I still hoped. Stupid hope monkey.
So for about 2 weeks I texted her and bought chocolate for her and flowers once. Stuff I never do for anyone and have not done in a couple of years. Still, I did this and she was not my girl. I was hoping. I found myself telling the handful of girls, seven of them, that were trying to get my attention that I was seeing someone, or that I had a girlfriend or that I was just too busy to do anything else but work, which is and was true too. I turned down gals that I could have had for a hope.
This last weekend I went out for the first time in over 2 months to see a friend who wanted to see me. I ran into a girl I knew that I liked but there was never anything there. I directly flirted with her as I always would have in the past and bam! I messed up.
She is close friends with the close friend of the girl I was seeing. I knew this could have been a mistake but I was buzzed and didn't think about it until later. I kinda knew immediately but buzzed me ignored it. I screwed up.
There is more to the story like her talking to her ex for the past week, how I didn't hear from her as much, all he sweetness went away and how I have known for a week that this was probably coming in one way or another. It's just sad that I brought it about. I mean I would have in one way or another anyway. I would have been smothering, not giving her enough space, work too much, not give enough, too flirty (which i know i am natuarally. I need to work on killing that) or I would have given up. It was coming I just hoped I was wrong.
In the end I would like to say she drove me to it, not wanting to commit, talking to the ex, talking to me just enough to be polite friends when I texted. I could have avoided it by talking straight to her and asking, and that probably would have ended it right there.
The thing that kills me is that she thought I was not being honest with her. I did not pursue anyone, date anyone, sleep with anyone, go on a date, buy things for anyone but her. I was not dishonest, I made a bad choice and that was to go out. Had I stayed home none of it would have happened and I knew that I shouldn't have gone to that bar because it is nothing but trouble and it brings a different me out and I know it. I messed up because I went to where I knew I shouldn't. That damned bar. It's not a bad place but I am not good when I am there.

The Veterans Battle

The Veterans Battle

We dealt with danger, war, death, and fear. We lost people we knew. We left our homes, family, friends and the comfort of home to do something bigger. I know some joined for college or because they felt that there was nothing else for them. But many of us joined to do something and be a part of something bigger than us, something that made a difference. Those who experienced deployment and the danger outside of the wire, experienced life to it’s fullest. We knew we could die and so we lived. While we were in service we mattered, we had a mission, we had family and it is our family still, we were the best we could be. We put everything up to and including our lives on the line. Even if no one outside of the brothers next to us knew who we were, we were someone. We mattered.

Now we no longer don a uniform, salute the flag every day, live and train for a day that may or may not come. Now we look like everyone else. When we got out of service we looked and acted differently. We had confidence that could shake and stir a crowd. We still walked with purpose and we put ourselves into everything we did. We still had the spice of life flowing in and from us. We knew things and had standards no one else had. We were powerful. As time went on though, that started to change.

As we worked with everyone else we were told to tone it down. We were told that we are not soldiers anymore. We were told to chill out and to loosen up. We were told to adhere to the standard of those around us which is mediocrity. Over time, we changed because people did not get us, understand us or know how to accept us. We were frightening because we knew things and had had strong beliefs. We worked harder, which to us was not even hard, longer and with more dedication. We were raising the bar and that was threatening to the life normal people live. Our motivation kept us from advancing as it was intimidating. We were shunned because we were “extreme” because our stories were foreign and our hearts beat with the fire of hell. We were told to conform or fail; a well-known story for us who had to raise the bar and conform to excellence or die. Now told that we need to be half of what we are. We were told to be normal, boring, unmotivated, dispassionate and quiet.

As we slowly reintegrate (though we never fully do) into society we start killing ourselves so that we can succeed and fit in. People reading this might think that this is a figurative statement but it is not. Forcing us to be unexceptional, forcing us to hide and bottle up the raw emotions we have is killing us from the inside out. It is when it comes out that it actually kills us.

Yes PTSD, the struggles veterans have because of the things we did and saw, cause us harm but not as much as the harm society puts on us because of it, as much as your demand that we be normal, not as much as the realization that we will never be what we once were. Your judgment of us is killing us, the way you fear us kills us, and your forcing us to be less than what we are, kills us.

There are military memes out there with pictures of soldiers deployed walking in Iraq and Afghanistan conducting patrols, soldiers and marines being shot at and the text on all of them says “PTSD. Knowing you will never be this badass again” Many a vet has shared with me and I agree that this statement is what causes us the most pain. We will never mean what we once did, have the responsibility that we once did, or matter in the same way. There is no need to be as physically fit, keep our weapon skills up, maintain discipline or create bonds of brotherhood like we once did. We will not be fighting on behalf of millions, save lives or conduct ourselves as we once did with perfection and calm in utter chaos. We were once titans never to be again.

This, more than combat, more than PTSD by itself, more than accidents, kill veterans. This is the biggest cause of veteran suicide. We are already suffering inside but you force us to make it worse by forcing us to be less than what we are so that we fit in. Veterans commit suicide because we feel lost, alone, unwanted, unneeded and left in the darkness of our heart as we dull our light, strength, beliefs and hide our hearts. At the point where we can be at any time it takes one event, a catalyst, to push us over and end what we feel is only a part of an existence. It can be the loss of a friend, a significant other cheating or leaving us, loss of a job, or being rejected by someone close to us.

I am not saying that everyone needs to treat us delicately or walk on eggshells around us; just the opposite. Let us grow and thrive. Challenge us. Let us succeed where others don’t. Let us lead, win, fight for you, build things, work hard and stand proudly with you. You don’t need to understand us just accept us. Don’t hold us back, unleash us to do great things. We can do great things and we would build a better stronger nation, states, cities, communities businesses and generations to follow.  

On a final note to my brothers; if you are feeling like this, if you are feeling suicidal, alone, hopeless or you just need support, call someone. You now your battle buddies that you served with, call them. Get a hold of one of the veteran and veteran support pages: Should’ve been Infantry, girls for gunslingers, ranger up, themgrunts, gruntworks – all on Facebook. Seriously call someone. One of this things about the veteran community is we have all been there, we go there from time to time, we always have each other’s 6 and we don’t judge each other because of the hell we all go through. We went through hell together once and we will do it again with you. 

Touch

I long for a touch.
To feel warmth upon my skin and hold it in my arms.
I yearn for a touch.
A touch beyond that of the flesh
One that would reach beyond the confines of skin
Warmth that touches the heart and calms the soul
A pair of eyes that steals my life away only to return it in greater portion
My arms are empty and heart is cold in empty winter
It shivers as it is caressed by cold winds
The only sound is the howl of the empty desert
It is alone with naught on the horizon
This desert is of my own making
It can't escape it, I create it with every step
I must be found
Warmth might find me if I let it
I long for a touch

We Stand - The Sheep Dog

We live and work among you. You look at us with awe or disdain

You respect us or you hate us

You either love us or fear us, for some it is a little bit of both

We carry guns and we watch everything

We know the exits in the building we are in

We know where a criminal will most likely come from

We see the others who carry weapons

We see the good or evil, the innocence or cruelty in the eyes

We are ever watchful

You see the badge on my chest, the uniform I wear proudly, or my veterans hat

You see the gun on my hip and my back straight and tall

The flag waving in my yard or stuck on my car

My creeds are "Give me Liberty or give me death"

"Don't tread on me" and "Molon Labe"

We work out, we run, and we train to be the best

We stand up for ourselves, for you, we stand tall with pride and confidence

You fear us for these things and because of your fear you hate us

We are different from you

We look different, we act different and we have a different look in our eyes

Our look is not one of innocence or of cruelty

It is one of Justice, courage and vengeance

Not vengeance for ourselves

Vengeance on behalf of those under our watch

We have our teeth and claws, you see them on our hip and in our arms

You hear our growl and bark in our cries of patriotism

And our quiet words of warning saying; No you move

We have seen the evil you pretend does not exist

We know it is there and our existence is a tribute to that truth

Our existence destroys the illusion you create to make you feel better

You hate us for that, for showing you that normal only exists in your head

You hate us because you see what we stand for and you can see us standing

That fact proves that what you fear in the shadows exists

You have not seen that evil that stays out of sight because it waits

It waits to pounce when you get too close

It waits to steal, kill and destroy when it has opportunity

Our existence, our place on the outside between you it and is a reminder

A reminder that not all is well and not all is safe

Your fear of the wolf is taken out on us and manifested in anger

You see our teeth and claws and forget we are your protectors

And you confuse us with the wolf

You hear our bark and growl and think that we are just making noise

That we are getting worked up over nothing

We smell the danger, we see it coming when you cannot

We prepare ourselves and remain ever vigilant to protect you

Those who have cast us to the outside, who label us extreme

We wait and we do our duty when the wolves come in the dark of night

You do not usually see the clash, the blood bone and marrow

You do not see our blood, sweat and tears

But when you do in rare occasion

You run in fear, once again in what you do not understand

Because you live in a world made up in your mind

Far removed from the real one

You keep your distance and keep us far from your herd

Only noticing us enough to jeer, mock and condemn

Until the day you see the wolves, your nightmares in the flesh

Then in that moment you cry out for us to save you

In the moment you are thankful and relieved

Until you return to the herd and condemn us for the blood on our fur

And the scars on our face

You pretend that all is normal and the wolf you saw was just a bad dream

We are the sheep dogs

You hate us and wish we did not exist

Because in your heart our existence proves reality

We stand ever vigilant with love and courage in our hearts

With fire and justice in our eyes

Ever watchful hoping you never see the wolf

Hoping that we never have to act

We stand vigilant, we have seen the wolf and we are ever ready

We are the sheep dog

You may hate us, you may fear us

It matters not.

We stand

Someday

In just one minute I was done
I saw the look in your eyes, you said yes and time just stood still
We danced in circles there was no one else on the floor
The time was ours the would stopped turning and everyone else disappeared.

The sun comes up the sun goes down
The world turns, seasons change, hot to cold
the world is dry until the rain comes to make it green
Children grow, old ones go, nothing stays the same
Life goes on someday I will too.

Date after date we grew close every moment got better
We talked a lot and grew so fast I loved you more and more
We continued our dance as time went on until the lights turned on
A kiss good night I want home and waited for our next date.

The sun comes up the sun goes down
The world turns, seasons change, hot to cold
the world is dry until the rain comes to make it green
Children grow, old ones go, nothing stays the same
Life goes on someday I will too.

I got our of church one night i saw you there sitting outside waiting.
My face lit up I had no idea but tonight was that night.
You said to me friends we'll be from that time on.
It isn't you, it is me I'm just not ready.
I know you'll be alright and I'll see you later for dance next Saturday night.
My world stood still in that moment as another wall was build around my heart.

The sun comes up the sun goes down
The world turns, seasons change, hot to cold
the world is dry until the rain comes to make it green
Children grow, old ones go, nothing stays the same
Life goes on someday I will too.

The world turns life goes on and someday I will too.

A new chapter, back to the beginning

I step into a new chapter of my life. I am forcing this change from one chapter to another. I enter it intentionally with force, dictating the beginning and direction of the new. This force of change, I can already tell, will be painful but I suppose that all change is painful. I suppose it seems more so now that I can see the change and I see that I am the instrument that is forcing it. It is not something that I just step into, nor one that was forced on me. I cannot tell yet how good or beneficial this change will be but I know that I cannot continue to live my life as I have been. I have grown tired, I am actually fatigued, tired of trying for things that will not and cannot be, tired of trying to live for others and failing to do so. Tired of being half in and half out. I have lived so long half way into everything. I must cut out the things I do not need, things that are not good for me. I need to heal. I have faked being strong too long, I have faked being timid and calm too long. Both diametrically opposite but both are how I live and both are wrong. Both sides have been my work and both have exhausted me. I attempt to become me again, though I have been more me than I had been for a long time. I need to be me and then hopefully I can be more and better for everyone around me.

My life, day in and day out, is painful. I hurt every day. I wound myself in my action and inaction but I refuse to bleed. I work hard to no real benefit, it does not help me except to allow me to do it again tomorrow. I work harder to run away from the pain of life and then retire to nothing to rest and runaway from the pain of emptiness in my life.

I may know Christ but I have not served Him wholly as I should and in that I created a hole in my life where He should have been the whole time. I try too hard to find my missing rib and in the struggle I open the wound wider and cause the pain to increase all the time pushing away those who would and might be the missing part of me all the time clinging to those who would not take the challenge of filling that gap and making me whole.

All is folly. My life has been one race trying to catch the wind. I have lived a half way life to the fullest that I could and in doing so I have created a gap between me and the truth. I start to wonder if the life I lived full of loneliness and heartache but  still a full life was easier. I do not wish to feel that again but I live in tortured circles now. Perhaps that pain was less. Perhaps it was the same but it was honest and in truth it was bearable.

I now contemplate living with my heart open again, if I can break down the many walls around it. Love with a heart full of love, fire, and compassion, live in truth and give the pain and sorrow to my Lord as I once did. I know this is the best way and the way we were made to. I must just give up the things I have made part of me, the things of this world, and live as a pauper in the world that I might be a king both in this world and in the next.

I seek to live in wisdom and in truth, to live with love and compassion, to fight as a knight and son of my King with all might, honor, discipline and ferocity as I have been made capable of. I shall reclaim myself by giving myself up to Him who created my and saved me. My goal to lose myself and be only what He forms from this lump of clay. I can not form myself. Only the potter can and in His hands I submit and rest so that He may form me as He desires.

Broken

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"
"All love is unrequited."
It is better to have loved that to have never loved. Love is a necessary thing. Necessary for us to live. We can not live without love. While it is better it is pain with which we live when love is not returned or found. " It is not good that man should be alone" We were made to have another part to our lives. We as men were born missing a part of us with which we are incomplete without. We are missing a rib and without it we are missing a part of ourselves. Missing that rib is painful and as we grow older without it we know more how much we can not live without it. We may live out our lives without that life.
A more painful truth is finding that part of ourselves that we are missing, that rib, and not being able to join with it, with her, as is our hearts greatest need and desire beyond our union with God Himself.
Love itself is not the cause of pain, love is beautiful and perfect but the necessity of holding it back and not finding it where one knows it  should be is a great pain. It requires a great force to hold back the fury of nature, the winds and waves, fire and earthquakes but it is nothing compared to the force of love and to hold it back is a pain the likes of which the world itself knows nothing about.
I stand here a lowly man, a humble servant of my creator who placed me on this world whose pain is great from holding that everlasting force, love, back and from the hole created when that love can not be found and is not returned. I stand naked to the elements, bare, completely vulnerable to the world, crushed by the invisible force of which the furies of this world can not compare waiting to be crushed by the seemingly inevitable consequence of this beautiful perfect force of love.
I stand on weak legs ready to fall only to be crushed by its power. All I can do is stand and recieve my missing part or be crushed. Though I swore I would not give up, I stand broken now giving in and giving up. a failure a poor and desolate man. My only saving grace, my Creator, and hope that I might not be crushed but be saved and strengthened by the hope that only love can bring.
I give up. I am broken. Lord you are my only sanctuary and I will follow you alone if I must but I pray and hope for your providence and in hope wait on your will that one day my love be unrequited no more, that I will be made whole by the one you made for me and me for her.

Insanity of 3

If three is a charm
Then we strike out because our efforts failed
To continue to try leads to insanity
For that is simply continuing to fail
Expecting a different result
But then what of hope and persistence
Should we not get back up and ride
Are we not made stronger by the fall?
Yes! We are if we get up, but not if we are broken
Love does not hurt or kill us
What we do in loves name is Dangerous
love unreturned is having lost the battle
Painfully we walk from the field
Beaten and tattered looking forward with hopes
One day, I'll make it home.

Love like God

It is not about whether he loves you or she loves you or even just love. Love is easy, we were created to love and be loved. But love has become perverted by our sin. Are we loving as God does? We can not love in the entirety or with the depth that He does but we were created to love Like He does. Do you love your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband OE wife like Christ loves? Are you loved by your other like God loves you? That is love. Everything else is a shadow or perversion of the real thing.
- Jonathan Gomez

Thank you Jesus

This is a break from the normal poetry.
I just have to say that I seem to have learned a lot so far in 2013. Reading the posts from times before I realize that I just didn't get it. Not saying that I do now but seriously?! I had no Idea what love really was.......Ok I did but not the kind of love that I was seeking and seeking to give. I am still learning but I am not learning from my own feelings or from a woman. Mind you I am realizing a lot from the love I have for a woman but I am not learning love from that I can only see it. I learned and am learning it from God and the way He loves us and the way that Jesus loves us. If the love between a man and a woman is not like that between God and us (Not the same as. We can not love the same that God loves but we can try to and can love like or similarly to the way God loves.) then it is not the way that it should be.

God calls men to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. It is a self sacrificing love for her glory and salvation. Jesus came to save and to serve and to love. God pursues us all through scripture as we need to pursue our wife not just to make her our wife but to keep her and make her feel wanted and needed and Romances. The bible is a love letter to all of humanity. It is filled with Gods love, romance, adventure, humor, beauty, strength, Masculinity and Femininity. If we are to understand love we need to be looking to the expert. Not our own desires. Seek Him and you will find it. Seek a man or a woman or things and they will always elude. Seek God and He will add these things to you.

Thank you Jesus

I will not wait

I will not wait and sit idly by
As you pass through this world by and by
As you live and build your life
As you hide from and prepare for love
Some might wait for you to conquer your fear
Or wait as you build a career
Boys sit by and hope for a chance
Hoping you pick them with lust their eyes burn
I will not wait and sit idly by
Like those without heart and whose metal goes untested
Cowards stand by and wait to be given that which is unearned
I will not wait an sit idly by
I will fight!
With every flower and every kiss
Every look and every touch
Every date and every call
Every day and every hour
I fight for you
I fight your your love
That of my love
I will not wait
I will fight
Fight for the one I would make my queen

Why I look at you

You ask me "What?"
I say "Nothing"
In a moment of weakness I do not tell the truth
I am looking at you
Yo know that I am
 Deep down in side you wonder why
Even deeper still you have hope
that you are beautiful as you long to be
The image of Gods beauty
In all of creation you are his masterpeice
we watch the sunset and then the sunrise
all of the beautiful colors painted in the sky
the leaves that were green turn yellow and orange
flowers start blooming, a color collage
still as we watch them we talk of the beauty
we never wonder why we are looking
but before my eyes you sit a wonder
in natures company you do defy
a more radiant and mysterious beauty
woman I find
The moon and stars and sunset skies are found in your eyes
the petals of roses lay in your cheeks
 the softness of lilies does you skin defy
fields of wheat and valleys of trees are like the flowing hair but not so fine
every day the morning sun shall rise to give light for our eyes
but not hope like the shine of your smile
rivers flow graceful and tight but still the form of your body brings more delight
your heart burns true, more than the most brilliant of flames
more precious than gold mor brilliant than silver
stronger than diamonds and more beautiful too
you sit there and ask me why I am looking at you
It is because you are beautiful
more than I can ever explain

When You Can't feel the Music Anymore

Just another man who works hard in his boots

I go to church and I know Jesus more than most

I've felt heartache, hunger and a lot of pain

I carry my gun, sleep in the sand and cry when my buddies fall

So that my family can sleep sound tonight

Chorus

What do you do when the music has no melody

What do you do when the songs have lost their soul

You listen to them and sometimes sing along

But these songs I know so well mean so little to me

I used to sing and smile and cry to their heartfelt melody

So what do you do when you don't feel the music anymore?

I go back home to mountains I've missed so long

To hugs and kisses from loved ones I ain't seen it's been too long

I smile and tell them that I'm alright

I tell of my good times and cool things I've seen

 I listen to stories of the things that haven't changed

They don't know the things I've done or terror that I have seen

I keep it locked away with feelings that used to be

Chorus

What do you do when the music has no melody

What do you do when the songs have lost their soul

You listen to them and sometimes sing along

But these songs I know so well mean so little to me

I used to sing and smile and cry to their heartfelt melody

So what do you do when you don't feel the music anymore?

I'm far away now with my family dressed in green

A bond unbroken and love unseen

A song comes on the radio it makes me think of home

And I feel nothing It's the dead part of me

I run and fight regardless of the pain

I read letters, my girl is gone, my uncle died, my mamma's sick

But I am far away and I can't do anything

I tuck my letter far away along with the pain

I have a job to do and I don’t feel anymore

Chorus

What do you do when the music has no melody

What do you do when the songs have lost their soul

You listen to them and sometimes sing along

But these songs I know so well mean so little to me

I used to sing and smile and cry to their heartfelt melody

So what do you do when you don't feel the music anymore?

My sacrifice is more than a bullet and a gun

It is the feeling I once felt before I'd gone

I know my heart still beats deep withhin my chest

But no matter how much I try I don't feel anymore

I just push on, do my job and keep you safe regardless of what goes on

So what do I do when I don't feel the music anymore?

Google

I hope it is me, I pray for better than me

Dear     ,

I am so conflicted right now.

I know that I love you and that you have a special place in my heart and life

I don't know exactly what that is but I have a feeling

Part of me really wants you to choose me

Part of me wants to the the one for you

Wants to be the one to hold you, love you, care for you, serve you

Wants to be the one who was meant for you

I want the very best for you and that is where the conflict begins

I don't know if I am the best for you

Part of me wants you to be with a man who is better than I am

One who has waited for you, prayed for you and lived for you before he knew you

I want you to have one who has not lived as I have

One who has not messed up the way I have

One who would serve you and love Jesus with you and raise a family on the foundation of Christ

I would love you and pray with you and grow in Christ with you

I would make you my one and only

I am changing, not just for you but because Christ has called me to change

To be different than I have been, to be the man I am supposed to be

I am not that man you deserve but I might be but there may be better than me

My honor is to serve you in whatever capacity I am to serve you

I want your man to be me but I want the best for you for yo to have the best you can

you have been hurt, cheated and lied to. You have been wronged 

I dream of taking care of you bringing flowers to you dancing with you 

Falling asleep by a fire with you, going to church with you, 

kneeling down to pray with you. I dream of eating dinners with you and cooking them

doing dishes with you, watching movies with you going on trips with you.

I think of going to church with you and spending holidays with you and reading scripture with you

What if I am not the one?

I would be my best for you. what if the best for you is someone else. 

Whoever he is I pray that he makes you happy, makes you laugh, 

strengthens your love of Christ, gives himself for you as Christ gave Himself for the church

I pray he pursues you like Christ pursues his church.

I pray he loves Jesus more than you but that he shares his love for Christ with you

I pray he pursues you every day and asks himself every day how he can best serve you

I pray you find the best man for you, the man God has chosen for you.

I hope it is me but I pray for better than me. If it is me I pray that I am the best man

That I love you like Christ loves the church, that I love you like the man I pray finds you 

Coming home, far from home

After years of wearing green, blue and brown

after many months spent in the mountains and desert

a lot of time away from home

a long time spent away from US soil

I have come home

It may not be for the last time

If my country calls I will answer

It is my act of service

I will go and protect you from the world

I will leave home

I am home now whether for now or forever

I have come back to your arms

The people I love friends and family 

back to my blood from blood

I have come home

We all dream of our shores

The grass in the yard, church pews

fast food bar stools fast cars and lifted trucks

we dream of this place we knew

This was my home

Now I see my world in black and white all is gray

this home has not changed but it is not the same

I am a foreigner in my own land

I am a stranger in the neighborhood of my childhood

This is not my home

I wander the streets of my country

people talk with no understanding

they mock and joke and complain of what they don't know

They call what I love and sacrificed for foolishness

This is not my home

My eyes are opened through pain and sacrifice

I see the truth that many will never know

I fought and fight for freedom that they want to give away

It was mine to fight for not yours to give away

I want my home

We all in uniform make an oath and form a bond

we leave our homes to ensure they are there when we return

we give of ourselves our lives our future

we leave home

to never find home again

I left home once for you and me

I dreamed of this place I knew so well

I have come back and made a life

I love my country the place of the free

I have no home

Many of us leave home

some die and never return

some live and return home

some find a new home

Some of us return and never make it home

I dream of home

I search for my home

I have come home

I can't find my home here at home

I am far from home

 

 

 

~Jonathan Gomez
Prior Service SGT
Army Infantry
OIF, OND
God Bless America
 

Cost

I have caused pain

I have brought trouble to my land

The decisions I have made have hurt those I love

My actions were my own

Bourne from desires  common and known

I have not lived rightly

Now my sins are made know

I am lucky this time

No life was destroyed

No damage that can't be undone

A temporary plague of trouble and dismay

But the effects of my choices

Shall haunt me many a day

There was one that I found honest and true

Not perfect by any standard by perfect for me

A pain in the ass and strong of will

Her heart is scarred and fearful

She fears the past may happen again

But courage she has to try again

A decision made before she was known to me

One that has followed me even to this day

This sin that had nothing to do with her

May be the end of the hope I had with her

I meant her no harm only strength hope and love

All may be lost for the perception of betrayal

I do not blame her for the choice she might make

My sin is my own and the consequence my wage

I take upon me the wage of my sin

I give it away to He whose forgiveness  I pray

My life must chance and His forgiveness  I'll take

But for that of the others, hers I will pray

If I lost my chance of ones heart who is true

I bid you farewell with my heart and my care

I hope you can forgive me and move on to better

I begrudge you not, for my failing was mine

Know that I do not give you up or quit hoping for you

But I am letting you go for if this be my wage

I take it deservingly and the price I will pay.

Harmful Ripples

The decisions we make and the way we live our lives have a huge impact on our own lives and happiness but also on the lives of those around us, those on whom we have an impact.  That can be a great number of people. While I don't think that we should necessarily allow others have a negative influence on us and we should not use others as an excuse for our own state they do. As this is true, others will have an influence on us, both positive and negative we need to evaluate ourselves and see how we affect others. We need to judge our own actions, attitudes, our words and how we choose to live our lives so that we are not a burden a negative influence or hindrance on others.

Even actions which are not meant to be harmful can still have negative consequences or influence on the world around us. Those things which are not necessarily harmful but selfish and even inappropriate always have a negative impact even if they are not harmful in and of themselves. This is a lesson I have been forced to learn.

The harm caused has a rippling effect unless it is realized and stopped first at the source and then dealt with  at each individual ripple that has been directly influenced by the stone that was cast. On cannot take back the stone thrown into a pond and if the sin is not dealt with the ripples can turn into waves that will envelope ones life and those who are in the path of its destructive power. Such a tsunami can destroy quickly if it is not dealt with before the waves rise.

If it is too late to stop the damage it is still our responsibility  to  deal with the aftermath and take responsibility for our actions and help repair the damage if we are able. Sometimes we can not repair what we have done and that is our penalty for our sin, for the wrong we have done to others. It is also a penalty a consequence that is paid by those who have been  affected by us.

We do not pay the price by ourselves. Those we love who are around us pay for our sins as well. This also is the price we pay. Knowing that we have caused pain in others that we can not take change. Take care in your decisions for we do not know who else we will hurt by our decisions, by how we live our lives.

God please forgive me and I pray that those in whom I have caused pain and harm forgive me one day. 

Silent

After two years I came home from the war

My family came to meet me at the airport

I hugged them, I kissed them, I held them close

Dinner was great I missed mamma’s cooking

But conversation was hard

I heard what they were doing and what has changed

My sister had her degree

My dad had a new job

My mom was teaching at a new school

On and on life was the same old

They asked about my two years and I was silent

Later that night I went to the bar to have a brew

See my friends and learn to dance again

They bought me my drinks

They were all there nothing had changed

They laughed and joked about the week before

And that time last summer at the lake

They asked me about my time in the sand

I stood silent

I got another beer

I was dreamin asleep in the sand

Of momma’s cooking

Dads work stories at dinner

My sister’s hugs

A beer at the bar

A dance with Lacy

All the same ol stories

The bull at the bar

But that’s the life I left

I am not that man anymore

I know you. You haven’t changed

You don’t know me you can’t understand

So I stand silent

I have fun with all my buddies dressed in green

We tell stories laugh and drink

We work we train we fight

We live together we go to war together

We know each other

We will die for one another

But I go home and

I am silent

Mom and dad, sister and brother

Girlfriend and lover best friends forever

I love you all and always will

But you don’t know me

I go to our reunions

Watch movies and play uno

I go to the bar and drink with my friends

You don’t understand me

You don’t understand

That’s why I am silent